A day in the life of Trump’s “Worldwide Network”

Trump brought to light an extremely important issue the other day via twitter.

After seeing this tweet, I realized non-American people’s only source of U.S. news is CNN. It breaks my heart to think of African children starving for a proper American news source, a country they don’t live in or care much about.

The use of soft power to adjust word wide perception isn’t a new idea or tactic, but in order to speed up creation of Americas Worldwide Network, I’ve decided to make a TV guide which provides details on programs you can expect to see on the Worldwide Network.

And yes- I’ll be sharing my program guide with Trump via twitter, so he is likely to bring me on as a producer.

A day in the life of Trump’s World Wide Network

Time	Program	Details
8am	Fox & Friends Presents: Tanning & Friends	MMM Crispy- Start your day off learning about the benefits of climate change (if it’s even real) like more sun, and year round tans. On today’s episode: New research says tanning makes you look cool, alright?
9am	Flags Flags Flags, with Melania Trump	The only thing sexier than our American flag is Melania Trump waving those red, white, and blue hotties around as she speaks on cyber bullying while Trump simultaneously engages in twitter fights.
10am	Uh-Oh, Mexicans!	GOP produced, this special stars a government shutdown caused by lack of funding for the wall on our southern border. This features President Trump throwing his arms up and saying “Totally willing to do it.”
11am	MTV Cribs Presents: The best house ever is my Dad’s Mansion, with Eric Trump	Eric is extremely excited, and 100% surprised to be included. It is likely he will go rogue on us if we film this live- so trigger warning in advance for… something unpredictable and triggering.
12pm	Ya fired!	This two hour special stars the President telling various members of the United Nations from various countries that they are in fact, fired. Fired from what? It’s unclear what Trump thinks he is firing them from, but one thing can be certain, there is no severance package where they’re going.
2pm	Lifetime Presents: A Coal Miner’s Tale	This made for T.V. movie sure wouldn’t be played anywhere else. Ted Cruz stars as a 9-5 coal miner, and full time family man. Watch the magic unfold as Ted navigates life down in the mines, and up at the dinner table. What will he find between layers of rocks and plates of meat loaf? Not renewable or clean energy, but instead something much better- Love, and the backbone of our American economy. And then some more love.
5pm	Now that’s what I call Power! Volume 57	Watch Trump shoot things with big guns. Powerful stuff, authoritarian man! Oh- erm i meant, authoritative. For every bullseye hit, the NRA will donate a large sum of money to Trump’s campaign for the 2020 election cycle.
6pm	Haters are losers	Trump is joined by Kanye West as they freestyle about all the haters and losers in the world and demonize a common enemy we can all come together, against.
7pm	Baking Cakes & Dismantling Institutions Episode 32- Voter fraud	The sky is falling! And by that I mean the validity of democracy as we know it is falling apart, but not these pie crusts.
8pm	Beautiful America, we’re all good over here!	A 12 hour photo montage of President Donald Trump, smiling white families, a few bald eagles, and one black guy giving thumbs up. Featuring Kid Rock’s album, um, whichever one wasn’t that bad.

Tune in next week for our new game show, “Hey where do these kids go?” Where ICE tries to match separated families back together correctly. Let’s hope they get it right!

This is America.